A daughter finds her home on the range

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By Michael Arrieta-Walden

 As a parent, you raise a child with visions of their future. 

 Then they build lives that are entirely different, and even more amazing than you imagined. 

  This is partly a classic story of a city mouse becoming a country mouse. But it also is a story of a father realizing that his daughter soared — despite his misguided and overbearing parenting. 

 Our daughter Maya graduated from college focused on communications and political science. She interned for a congressman in Washington, D.C. and at congressional office in San Diego. After graduation she headed back to Washington, D.C., and joined a communications and research firm, worked on a presidential campaign, and wrote for then-House Speaker Paul Ryan. 

 As the daughter of two journalists she was living the life I’d envisioned –  but maybe not the one she desired. 

My daughter, Maya Arrieta-Walden, loved working for then-House Speaker Paul Ryan at the nation’s Capitol.

Fast-forward three years: She and her boyfriend manage two cows, seven chickens and a robust garden on 20 acres in rural Colorado. She also works at a veterinary clinic while taking classes toward a vet tech license. 

She has traded researching tax policy and writing press releases for bucking hay and administering vaccines to animals. 

Maya could not be happier. And I could not feel more humbled or proud. 

 I confess I could be described as a helicopter parent. I relentlessly rode my daughter about school and grades. It was expected she would go to college. And I encouraged her to pursue power and influence in Washington. 

But she was brave enough to learn that that life was not the one she wanted. The one that I had envisioned was not hers to live. 

So, she abandoned the nation’s capital for Colorado. After initially considering nursing, she decided she would be happier caring for animals than humans. 

She’s been agile enough to move beyond being adept in politics and writing to mastering scientific studies. Her schooling and work have immersed her in anatomy, pathology and behavioral science. 

Instead of writing speeches and press releases, she examines blood smears for disease, gives vaccinations to wary dogs and cats, and coaches pet owners on critter behavior. 

Our urban-raised daughter says she now can’t imagine living in a city again. Instead, she rises each morning before dawn to feed animals and watches the sun rise on the eastern plains of Colorado. At day’s end, she collects eggs, refills the water trough, and pitches hay while watching the sun set in a sky of majestic pinks and purples. 

The journey for her was not easy, especially because of me. 

Shortly after she was born, I was working with a volatile reporter who complained that I was too controlling. She said she had made all but a couple of the changes I had suggested for her story, so why was I insisting on the remaining ones? After throwing her notebook across the room, she yelled, “I feel sorry for your daughter. She won’t have any freedom.” 

At the time, I was taken aback by what she said, and all but dismissed it. But the incident has stayed with me, and now I see that the reporter might have been prophetic. 

I spent way too much time worrying about Maya’s academics and future. I rationalized doing that so she would have future opportunities. I was often fixated on her homework and her grades. I imposed too many of my desires in her college search and selection. I set expectations that, frankly, were more about my goals than hers. 

I now see I was way too obsessive. But even more important, unlike my wife, Fran, I didn’t display enough faith in my daughter. I thought I knew what was best for her. I wasn’t confident enough that she could find a successful path.  

What I should have realized was that she would find her way, she would thrive at whatever path she chose. 

I also should have anticipated that it might take time for her to find her passion. After all, I switched from journalism to teaching at age 50! 

Maya says that she loves the rhythm and responsibility of rising each morning for chores, and is grateful for the natural beauty that surrounds her. She also sees her new career more as a new chapter rather than a new life. “I think it’s gratifying in a different way than what I used to do because you are still trying to help people, but you get to see more immediate and tangible results,” she says. 

I sometimes look at Maya and marvel at who she has become, an even more incredible adult than I envisioned. Most of all, I now revel in her happiness. And I enjoy the fresh eggs! 

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Michael Arrieta-Walden

Michael Arrieta-Walden is a teacher in Aurora, Colorado. He and his wife Fran mostly raised Maya in Portland, where Mike was a managing editor and Fran was a copy editor at The Oregonian. Unlike Maya, her parents could not begin to drive a tractor, tell the difference between a chicken and a rooster, or herd a cow.   

Editor’s note: I’ve known Mike since I was a young reporter at the Statesman Journal in Salem, Oregon. He was a college intern then; over the next three decades he became a top-rank editor in Albuquerque, N.M.; Olympia, Wash.; and Portland, Ore. It was a huge pleasure to recruit him and Fran to The Oregonian and then see him launch into a second career as an elemeentary school teacher.

Tomorrow: Tammy Ellingson, Summer school with Dad